Posted on August 8, 2016
Do you ever see a confident person and think ‘how are they like that?’? How did they become so effortlessly bold? Everybody is familiar with the term self-confidence, yet few people know what generates it and how to get more of it in their lives. Pseudo self-confidence in the form of boastfulness or putting others down is common, but true grounded self-confidence is much rarer. This type of self-confidence is not only very attractive, but also makes life easier and more rewarding.
Stop caring about what others think
Slander / Gossip
In this judgmental culture, it is easy to be overly critical of others or get sucked into caring about what other people think of us.
People who put others down are often motivated by a feeling of inferiority, so they will use slander to try to bring others down, to level the playing field.
They may also use gossip to try to boost themselves up, though a feeling temporary superiority from being privy to knowledge that others aren’t.
Whatever the motivation, it is their problem not yours, so don’t waste any energy on it. If you are motivated by your own opinion of yourself and can stay focused on your own actions, then others’ negativity shouldn’t affect your self-confidence.
Bragging / Compliments
Receiving temporary ego flattery from compliments can be just as damaging as receiving slander, because it is also a distraction which takes energy and attention away from yourself and your actions.
Taking a gym selfie and getting Facebook likes might give you temporary pleasure, but doesn’t have any lasting effect on your self-confidence.
Regardless of the validation or praise from others, deep down, you know if you have been working hard and making gains, or whether it was just the lighting, a certain angle, or your recent spray tan that made the selfie look good.
Get practice at being courageous – pushing past your comfort zone.
As a whole, self-confident people aren’t more lucky or privileged than anyone else, they are just in a good habit of putting themselves in challenging situations, and have done it so much that they are confident that they can handle whatever situation arises.
Self-confidence is gained by doing small courageous acts, one at a time, and building up gradually.
These courageous acts include anything that challenge you in any way, and put you outside of your comfort zone, whether it be physical, mental, or social. Regardless of the outcome, taking that courageous action teaches us that we can do things that make us uncomfortable or scared, and still survive. The more you can develop this ability to take these small acts of courage, the more you will learn and grow, and the more self-confidence you will foster. The outcomes in the short term are irrelevant, it is developing the skill and the habit of taking courageous actions that will dictate long term outcomes.
It’s the tough reps that you do when nobody is looking …
It’s the extra effort that you put in after a setback…
It’s having that necessary but awkward conversation…
It is the personal challenges that you commit to and overcome…
It’s how you handle yourself in those quiet moments when there is nobody else to judge you…
These are the moments when you can build self-confidence.
Be your own hero and live to your own highest values!